About Me

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Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
Abandoned by the orphanage when I was six weeks old, I was left in the nearby woods where I was raised by wolves for two weeks. Then they got sick of me and abandoned me. A few things were said, I could have been more diplomatic perhaps, but I still maintain that wolf politics is corrupt bullshit. After this, a squirrel* took me in, until I realized that, whilst I was crazy about nuts, I was also allergic to squirrel hair. I hiked to town and hid inside the back of truck that was transporting Starbuck coffee cup lids and stirrers to The Big City. I stayed here for 18 years, never alerting my presence to the truck driver, who used to pull over every 500km or so and silently cry to himself. To this day, that truck driver is unaware that he was my primary caregiver growing up. I like trucks, beards, and country and western music. I've accidentally used deodorant as hairspray and vice versa on only one occasion so far. *Because of this I will not wear products made out of squirrel.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Conversation with clipboard folder guy who just came to my door

Clipboard folder guy: Hi! How’s it going? We’re from Bridgestone. Now you probably know Bridgestone because of tyres, but many people don’t know that Bridgestone is about more than tyres. We’re going door to door in the local community and letting people know all about us. We’re located down near Park Road, Milton – you know Park Road? Well, we’re just off that road. We offer people a full-body car service for almost – well, almost nothing. We’re offering (rattling off long list of options)... for just $147 for the year. That usually costs around $730 for the year, but we’re giving a discount to the local community and I wanted to let you know in case you wanted to save money on your car.

Clipboard folder guy’s friend: (Silent, staring)

Karene: I don’t own a car.

Clipboard folder guy: That’s not your Toyota in the driveway?

Karene: No. It’s my father’s car, the purple one. The dogs are barking and I’m doing work at the moment-

Clipboard folder guy (eyebrows raised): The purple one?

Karene: Ahh, maroon, whatever. The green one belongs to my friend Cameron-

Clipboard folder guy: Well, if you don’t drive, you probably don’t have much use for our services! ---
Karene: That’s right.

Clipboard folder guy: What about your flatmate?

Karene: Flatmate?

Clipboard folder guy: Cameron.

Karene: He doesn’t live here.

Clipboard folder guy: Do you maybe want to go inside and get him and we can tell him about our offer?

Karene: Look.... no. His parents decide every decision that relates to his car, anyway. He goes to his parent’s car service people, all the time. It’s a family business, they’ve been going there for decades. He’s not going to all of a sudden decide to go with someone else... and he doesn’t even live out this way. So, no.
Clipboard folder guy: You don’t want to go and ask him?
Karene: .... No.
Clipboard folder guy (cheesy smile gone, leaving): OK.
Karene: Sorry about the barking dogs.
Clipboard folder guy: (Walks away)
Clipboard folder guy’s friend: ..............

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