About Me

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Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
Abandoned by the orphanage when I was six weeks old, I was left in the nearby woods where I was raised by wolves for two weeks. Then they got sick of me and abandoned me. A few things were said, I could have been more diplomatic perhaps, but I still maintain that wolf politics is corrupt bullshit. After this, a squirrel* took me in, until I realized that, whilst I was crazy about nuts, I was also allergic to squirrel hair. I hiked to town and hid inside the back of truck that was transporting Starbuck coffee cup lids and stirrers to The Big City. I stayed here for 18 years, never alerting my presence to the truck driver, who used to pull over every 500km or so and silently cry to himself. To this day, that truck driver is unaware that he was my primary caregiver growing up. I like trucks, beards, and country and western music. I've accidentally used deodorant as hairspray and vice versa on only one occasion so far. *Because of this I will not wear products made out of squirrel.

Hot Free Upshort Shots!!!

Those hot men wear shorts and they're not afraid to show it! Sitting with splayed legs on a bar stool, leaning over a pool table, lying down while they're fixing the car, stretching out a leg to pick up a stubbie with their feet - there's no situation where these guys WON'T flash you a glimpse of their beaver basher through tight little rugby pants or baggy, flapping cargoes!

The attack of the naughty redback!

This guy has nice, smooth thighs and he's not scared to bring these creamy slopes out for a stroll!! Sockless, you can see he keeps his shins au naturel for a year-round rustic look. These torn baggy shorts hide a wonderland of pure thigh, leg, crack and 100% peckerwood. This saucy, tactfully torn number likes to hide tight red jocks, possibly with black spiders on them. Be careful, this one may bite!!

Oooh la la!!

Are you French? Oui! Well, maybe not, but thanks to male fashion becoming a stomping ground for the worst of 80s wear, you can look like a European male prostitute for just $3,000! This fellow enjoys an open chambray shirt to match his tight denim pants. Our one complaint? With great tightness comes a great lack of opportunities for some awesome upshort action!!

The view from here

Oooh... to be standing under this "glass ceiling" right now! Most people don't know the best places to catch some upshort action include construction sites, football games or anything involving an outdoor stand. Going to watch the footie? Or just sneaking out for a  pint and a bit of naughty upshort?

Golf-watchers stand up and pay attention!

Throw on the tailored shorts, ditch the golf club, just lie back on the putting green with a beer and enjoy the sunshine... I feel an upshort shot coming on! Fore!

Why play basketball when you can lounge around in basketball shorts?

This Google image-search-found fellow certainly likes his basketball. However, more than basketball he likes basketball posters. More than basketball posters, he likes basketball pants.

These shorts are somewhere between flimsy and flirty, short and long, yellow and blue or some other basic colour, and homerotica and home-relaxation.

Best enjoyed reclining in what looks to be a dental surgery.

Richard Simmons, our God

Aerobics guru Richard Simmons* is also a world leader in hot upshort shots! Simmons, featured here on some American TV show apparently hosted by Lisa Rinna (I don't care if I misspelled that, in fact I hope I did), steals the spotlight with an impromptu upshort-competition. Who wins here? I think that's obvious: Richard - and us!
*Simmons has an upshort rating of 92.7

Richard Simmons Part Deux

Simmo, we don't know how you keep on doing it! We bow down to you! *salute, salute, salute!* What do you think - will this man be remembered because he helped humanity shed 3 million pounds or because of his well-timed upshort poses? You know the answer to that one...

The famous upshort guy

If you've never seen this self-proclaimed Upshort King before, where have you been? Probably living a life that has nothing to do with upshorts, I guess. However, we here at Hot Free Upshort Shots think this guy has nothing on the classy Richard Simmons. There's such a thing as leaving some upshort to the imagination...

Upshort soccer

GOOOAAAAAALLLL!!!!! Soccer. Upshorts. 'Nuff said.

A simple manly pause

Dude #1: I like your mullet, lack of t-shirt, sandals and burly exterior.
Dude#2: And I appreciate your crazy printed shirt, fake gold wrist jewellery and Hef hairstyle.
Dude #1: Wanna make out?
Dude #2: I'd rather sit here with my balls out.
Dude #1: I noticed they were out. I like it.
Dude #2: Have you heard of a site called "Hot Free Upshort Shots!!!?"
Dude #1: You know it! *high fives*
Dude #2: Sorry, so what were you saying about Tolstoi again?


Just because they're not alive anymore doesn't mean these HOT dead celebrities don't have upshort fetishes! Check out Gary Cole 'fraternizing' with a dashing young upshort fellow! (Though truth be told, it's more of an up-loin cloth shot!)

John Ritter was a tour de force in Three's Company, however viewers found out that one is more than enough company if they're doing an upshort (and especially if they're eating a banana at the same time).

That scene in Teen Wolf where that guy totally has his dick out

The guy in the red shirt (top) has his dick out in this scene from Teen Wolf. The camel toe girl doesn't notice and Plaid Shirt Dude now makes the same gestures on Wall Street.

The people in this photo seem unusually happy given that no upshorts action is happening. Then again, they're actors so they are paid to pretend.

Peach is a prostitute

We don't usually let girls in here, but Peach gets a pass because a) her upskirt conceals a potential upshort situation and b) Peach is a prostitute.