1. The first thing you need to be is out of smokes, or about to be out of smokes. You notice this when your non-smoking friend announces that they are going to the shops.2. Ask your departing non-smoking friend to wait. Then, ask them to buy you some cigarettes. Say "fine," in an exasperated voice when they start to kick up a fuss. This will help by making them retort, "fine, what am I getting you?"
3. Tell your friend you don't have any cash and they'll have to use your card to pay for the smokes separately. Tell them your password is FART and it's a savings account.
4. Tell them the brand of the smokes, but be vague with other information. When your friend says, "isn't there a number? Don't I have to say 50s or 75s or something?" Scoff at them and tell them they won't be asked for a number.
5. Sit back at home and have a relaxing glass of wine when you think of your friend trying to decide what size pack to get you when the shop assistant says, "25s or 50s?"
6. When your friend gets home, tell them they got the wrong size smokes packet.
7. Ask them for your card and receipt. Glance at the receipt and say, "how much did it cost?" in a shocked voice and then say, "Well, I didn't know you were going to the rip-off smokes place."
8. Have a smoke.
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